MemoryLane Forgotten

Monday, September 08, 2008

I want a CHANGE

Stuck with StarHub job for a year and 2 months. Out of a sudden, i wish to quit and get a perm job. I need a stable pay. However, it is so wrong when i need money and i m quitting now. Plus i am going to start my next semester soon. I guess it is a wrong time to change job and i shall tolerate till next mid Jan. End of my course. I shall prepare for my very last paper, take a few weeks break and get a better pay job. Hopefully everything went well. In terms of my result, school fees and job search.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Let ME be

For the time being, let me remain stubborn and unrealistic. I do not wish to let go yet. I might be suffering but letting go is not a solution. I do not like the idea of it. No matter what happened or any decision i made, i will still regret. No difference. It is not about the long term or short term pain. I do not know how to see if there will be any ending to us. All i know is that i m not going to end here. If this is a story i wish for, i accept the challenge. All i wish is that u will stop pushing me away. I no longer believe what is meant to be yours will be yours. I do not want to leave everything to fate or destiny. I believe that happiness is to be fight for. Let me continue being who i m, the stubborn, persistent and believe in something incredible ME. Only after knowing u, do i discover myself and finally admitting of who i m.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

等待

等待的心情一点都不好受。

这是第一次没有收到任何一点消息。

我能任受多少次呢？

一直这样下去，我可以承受吗？

心里反反复复地不停想着。

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

My World is SHATTERED

My world is shattered. I really do not know when is the right time to hold on or give up. It is so hard to stay strong. I do not know how to have faith or belief. Only fear and uncertainty filled me. I hate all the unknowing paths ahead me.

Only if i know my DESTINY.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Lost My Way

渐渐的，我仿佛像迷了路似的，不知要如何在继续前进。

我非常的努力隐藏着我那柔弱的一面，表现的比较坚强。

但我已无法再继续了。

自己所选的路，我绝不后悔。

只是要怎么继续走下呢？

Sunday, July 20, 2008

My life?!

My life is never a simplicity to me, has seemed to become much more worse. Everything is so complicated.

Money issue. I wish for a long break, but i know i cannot afford it. Work seem to have pile up more. There are so much to file n archieve. I hate all this little mundane job. I m offered to take up sth more. I have given my reply. Wait till then, i shall know. I will accept the offer to take over my superior job for 3 mths during her maternity leave. I hope that i will be considered a semi-perm and that there will be a pay rise. If not, i wont even want to get myself into sth more stress and more workload n greater responsibility except that it is sth different from admin and that it is a good experience too. I shall wait till Nov then i shall know. For the time being, i m not gg to think abt it.

Study. A test fornightly. A lab report to be handed up fornightly. A week of 3 to 4 classes. Mon, Wed, Fri night n Sat noon. Coping. However, i m not sure how i m gg to go abt it next year when it is no longer foundation year n that it is degree. I even wish for more time to study although it is sth similiar that i have gone through in 'A's. I will need more time to study when i get to degree. I m not confident of coping n struggle with my study n work. I do not want to be worried of the money problems. I wish that i m able to loan my sch fees for degree if not i really do not how to go abt it. I dun wan to rely on anyone. I dun wan to cause anyone to worry. I dun wan to be a problem to anyone. If problem unable to resolved, i might have to dragged a year. Hopefully nope.

R/S. Anyone i know who is in a r/s surely wont be gg through what i m gg through. I m having sth totally out of the ordinary. Something that can only be seem in Drama Series. Anyone whom have heard will give that comment. Exciting? A test for our r/s? We get through all these, everything will be alright coz we will surely go through all other things that come to us in future? How long is this thing gg to prolong? Sigh. I m with a person of a v complicated family background. We have some differences like edu n age. Our r/s seem to be forbiddened. His mum whom is of the totally extreme kind(the one n only probably on this earth), should not find out abt us yet. We r always like in hide n seek. Even calling, msging, hanging out is sth so tough. My mum seem to be like against it too. I m not sure if Dad know abt it. Anyway, she tried to talk me out of it somehow. She did not understand why that i m with this person at the first place. She kept telling me to concentrate on my study. She kept asking why m i making my life so difficult. She even question if i get into this coz i m bored n lonely. Sigh. For godness sake. What the bloody hell la. Will there be a happy ending like in Drama Series? I wonder. Or this whole thing shld never be started?

Friends. So few i can turn to when i m really in need. Some that i m not v sure i can turn to. Sigh. So hard to continue being close at all time. Needing the time n consider of the expenses that i will spent. Life is hard. Hoping that i will be able to keep contact with all those that i treasure. I hope they treat me the same way too.

Hope everything to fall back into place...Hoping all problems to be solved on its own...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

All n All Sum Up to a Misunderstanding

Fine. Everything ended up to be a misunderstanding. Hmmm. I think i will just accept all his explanation. He has his point. The way he reacted might be just anyone normal reaction. Sigh. However he neglected my circumstances at that point of time. Maybe most guys are too insensitive and they never think too much of the consequences. Sigh.

Work has been really busy nowadays. Tired. Voiceless now. On a phone marathon last night even my throat is not comfortable. Haiz. Talk to 3 person straight. One after another. Now, i have no voice le. Rarr!!! Zzzz. Having a headache now. M i gg to get sick soon? Dun wan. Gg to have exam soon. N my workload a lot. Cannot. I must faster recover. God. Please dun let me get sick.